


Nigredo

by atoxicrose



Series: F.E.A.R. Anthem [1]
Category: F.E.A.R. (Video Games)
Genre: Body Horror, Character Study, Child Abuse, Gen, Hallucinations, Human Experimentation, Stream of Consciousness, disturbing imagery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 12:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4478708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atoxicrose/pseuds/atoxicrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Point Man wakes from one nightmare only to find himself deep in another. Trapped inside his own mind and heedless of his injuries, he stumbles away from the wreckage of the chopper and his injured companions and into the decimated city.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day Unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been sitting on this for about a year and a half. I started it way back in January of '13 after I finished the first F.E.A.R. for the first time. I've been waiting to post it until after I finished and posted _Nepsis_ but that's not really getting anywhere and this is done so...
> 
> This is actually the second part of _F.E.A.R. Anthem_. The first part, _Nepsis_ , which focuses on the team sent in to reopen the Origin Facility, is still a WIP and will hopefully be coming either late this year or early next year. We'll see. 
> 
> **Warnings for: Child abuse, disturbing imagery, minor body horror, blood, hallucinations and human experimentation.**

_Nigredo - For the dark night of the soul, when an individual confronts the shadow within._

 

He thought the nightmare was over. But it was only just beginning.

Fire… fire all around him. He staggers to his feet. His face is on fire. He claws at it and pulls it off, tosses it away.

He has no weapon, the only thing he can do is run.

Fettel’s face swims in front of his eyes. _“What’s your given name?”_ Name? He has no name. He is the First Prototype. The Weak One. The Worthless One. The Disappointment. The Failure.

 _“What’s the first thing you remember?”_ Bright lights. A woman screaming. A baby crying. A man bending over him. _“You will be a god among men.”_

No, no. That’s not what it’s saying. And it’s not a man’s face. It’s a boy’s, a boy about his age.

_“Hey! Who are you?”_

He sits up slowly, taking in the room. It looks very much like his room, except it’s slightly larger and has another bed in it.

 _“Hey!”_  He turns back to the boy. _“What’s your name?!”_

He shrugs.

The boy looks at him oddly _. “You don’t know? But you_ do _have a name, don’t you?”_

He shakes his head and shrugs again.

“Weird. _Mine’s Paxton.”_

The name echoes in his head and something tugs in his chest. It’s important, but he’ll be damned if he can remember what it is. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to think…

Screeches, cackles, hoots, jeers. The grotesque creatures circle around him, grabbing at his clothes, trying to pull him down with them, down into the darkness. They’re all around him, he can’t run. The ground gives way and he’s falling. He lands in a pool of blood and sinks down.

He finds himself in a corridor. There’s a set of double doors in front of him. They’re on fire. There’s another door at the end the corridor. He runs toward it. As he draws near, there’s a scream from the other side and the cries of a baby. Blood splatters the door. It coats the window, it’s impossible to see in.

He can hear a woman screaming on the other side. _“He’s just a_ baby _!_ He can’t hurt anyone _!”_

He pushes the doors open. A woman stands in the middle of the room, clutching a baby to her chest. She’s staring at something he cannot see with a mixture of desperation, fear and anger. The woman turns toward him. Her face is dirty, scratched and bloody. Flames rise around her. She hugs the child close and screams.

 

 _“Be still!”_ Dr. Wade barks. The Weak One tries to hold as still as possible as Wade inserts a needle into his arm, but he flinches as it goes in, earning himself a cuff on the back of the head. An IV bag is attached to a hook above his head and then to the needle in his arm. It’s full of pink liquid.

He sits for an hour, bored, trying to catch what the doctors are saying on the other side of the curtain. He begins to feel ill. His stomach hurts, and the pain grows worse with each breath. An hour later the pain is so bad he’s openly sobbing. Disgusted, Wade rips the needle from his arm and drags him, bleeding, back to his cell.

He curls up on his bed, hoping he’ll get lucky and pass out like last time.

As soon as the door closes behind Wade, Paxton crawls off of his bed and climbs onto his cellmate’s and curls up next to him.

The pain finally subsides in the early hours of the morning and he’s able to sleep. He awakes the next morning to find Paxton still curled against him.

 

He dangles upside down off of the side of his bed, watching Paxton as he scribbles madly on the floor of their cell.

The scribbles come alive. They reach out like vines and entangle him. They pull him down into the blackness. Creatures leap around him, they claw at him as he struggles to free himself. He can’t see them, the only thing he can make out are their eyes, large and round and red.

Two more creatures leap over him. He can’t see them clearly either, but they’re different than the rest. Their eyes and mouths glow blue, their heads are dog skulls. With dreadful screeches, they chase the other creatures off.

_“C’mon, c’mon!”_ Paxton pulls at his sleeve. _“This way!”_ They’re outside. He’s only been outside a few times in his life. It’s so _open_ , and he’s not sure he likes it.

Paxton races over to a swing set and plops down on a swing and starts pumping his legs. He watches him. He’s never seen a swing set before. Paxton stops, dragging his feet in the mulch to slow down.

_“Don’t tell me you’ve never seen swings before!”_

He shakes his head.

Paxton gives him an exasperated sigh and gets up, grabs his hand and leads him over to it. _“It’s easy. Sit down, I’ll teach you.”_ He sits down and Paxton moves around behind him. _“Hold onto the chains.”_ Paxton puts his hands on his back and gives him a push. _“When you go forward, lean forward and pull your legs back. When you go back, lean back and push your legs forward. Like that!”_

It’s easy and he gets the hang of it quickly. Paxton hops on the swing beside him and they soar, side by side.

 _“Watch this!”_ Paxton lets go of the swing at the apex of its arc and soars through the air with a great shout of laughter and lands on his feet in the mulch a short distance away. Paxton turns back to him expectantly. He copies his cellmate, only he lands flat on his face in the mulch, knocking the air out of his lungs. Paxton doubles over laughing as he lays there, gasping for air. After a moment, he rolls over onto his stomach and pushes himself up to all fours. He looks up at Paxton begins to laugh too. They race back to the swings together.

_“He killed a guard. He’s stronger than we thought.”_

_“He’s dangerous!”_

_“For now. Time and training will help him master his powers.”_

_“We’ve created a_ monster _.”_

 _“He’s a_ success _, Hellen. He’ll be the perfect psychic commander.”_

 Is that what they want of them? Is that what they want to turn him into? Is that what they’ve turned Paxton into?

Paxton killed someone. He doesn’t want to hurt _anyone._ _Ever._ Paxton is a monster. But he won’t be. He won’t let them turn him into that.

But where _is_ Paxton? He’s been gone for a while now. Paxton has never been gone for this long before. He scoots their bedside table over to the door and climbs on top of it. He peers out the window at the top of the door. People in white lab coats bustle around outside, but there is no sign of his cellmate. He waits, nose pressed to the glass for what seems like hours.

Finally, he sees Dr. Wade turn the corner at the other end of the hall. He’s carrying Paxton, who is limp in his arms. Quickly, he jumps down, pushes the table beside Paxton’s bed and hops onto his own.

A moment later Wade enters and deposits Paxton onto his bed. He is very still and pale. He slides off his bed for a closer look. Wade turns, grabs his arm and drags him out of the room.

 

Where is he? He doesn’t recognize any of these people. What is going on? Where’s Paxton?

Doctors in white coats stand over him, talking to a woman. He doesn’t understand what they’re saying.

_“… cryogenic stasis…”_

_“… the mind of an eleven-year-old…”_

_“… very weak. It’ll take… of rehabilitation…”_

_"… wipe his memory when you’re done…”_

_“C’mon, push me!”_ Paxton calls, hanging on the bars of the merry-go-round.

He grabs one of the bars, leans into it and starts to run. Laughing, Paxton holds on for dear life. Around and around and around they go. Then Paxton slips and spins off into the ground. He lays there, convulsed with laughter.

_“My babies.”_

He spins. A little girl in a red dress stands several feet away, watching them. Paxton scrambles to his feet with a glad cry and runs over to her. She holds out a hand and he grabs it with both of his and stands beside her, bouncing up and down happily.

The girl looks back at him and extends her other hand toward him. He glances between her and his grinning cellmate. Well if Paxton was okay with it…

Slowly he inches forward and take her hand. As soon as he touches her, she changes. He leaps away. The little girl is no longer there. In her place stands the skeletal Alma Wade. He turns to Paxton, they need to run! But Paxton is gone too. Fettel now stands in his place, holding Alma’s hand.

Then they are gone. The little girl and Paxton are back. And he _remembers_ now. Remembers the Vault. How the little girl followed him and then turned into the skeletal wraith that chased him out of the facility.

Alma drops Paxton’s hand and approaches him slowly. With every step she flickers between her two forms and Paxton flickers too.

Child. Adult. Child. Adult.

Paxton. Fettel. Paxton. Fettel.

 _Paxton Fettel_.

Alma stops directly in front of him. She reaches out one skeletal hand to touch his cheek.

The world goes white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Lily, Caleb, Mara and Morin all have cameos here.


	2. Day 016 - Nigredo

_Day 016_

_Auburn Industrial District, Auburn Island_

_Fairport, New York, United States_

_7 November, 2025_

_Evening_

 

_Paxton._

The F.E.A.R. Point Man wakes with his cellmate’s – with his brother’s – name echoing in his head.

He’s lying face down on a grimy wood floor. His face is cold. Where is his mask? And his squad mates?

He grimaces and sits up. His face feels stiff. He runs a hand over it, it’s caked with dried blood. His own? He feels alright, though. No injuries. He must’ve healed. How long has he been out? And where the hell is he?

He looks around, trying to get his bearings. He’s in what looks like an abandoned apartment. How the hell has he gotten here? He gets up and shuffles over to the window.

Auburn is burning. Smoke hangs over the skyline, turning the sunset blood red and bathing the island in an eerie red light. Wait, _sunset?_ It was _dawn_ when the chopper crashed.

Dear god, _what happened_?

The reactor. He destroyed the reactor. And it destroyed the city. He did this. He killed his brother. He destroyed the city. How many thousands? And what has become of his team?

The Point Man grips the railing, knuckles white. He was only trying to end a nightmare. Instead, he has created another.


End file.
